everyone's favorite thing

Work. Why do it? Money? Respect? Prestige? Power? Calling/life vision? Because you're good at it? Because otherwise you'd be bored?

I'm not sure what the point of work is for me. I do it now to pay the bills and to fill my time with something semi-meaningful, but what do I really want our of the next 30 years of my professional life? I know what the canned answer is, à la "Your Work Matters to God". But I'm not in that place - yet, so let's just be totally honest.

I'd like to make more money. To buy all the the things that I don't really need. I'd like more prestige. So my parents won't stutter when they explain what I do. I'd like to do something I'm good at so I will be respected and called upon for my expertise. More importantly... I want to feel as though I have found my calling and am not working for myself or for these fleshly wants, but for a higher, more holy purpose.

If history is any indication, what I want is not always what's good for me and not always what's right. So now what?

I thought I would have figured this out by now, but that's reserved for an elite group of hardworking, self-knowing optimists. How I wish I was one of them. Luckily I'm married to one.

I'm ending this post here, to symbolize the unresolved state that my work/life perspective is in. This is my current frame of mind: yesterday, in the span of ten hours, I applied for and was rejected from what I thought was the perfect job. Talk about a confidence booster! I'm getting more confident that I may be spending the next four years vacationing in Boston. At least that will give me more time to blog.