Disgust-Excitement-Confusion-Pride-Heartache-Frustration. Who knew I could experience so many emotions all at once?
My disgust stems from the way China is bringing to life the very-Chinese concept of
putting up a good face. The beautiful little girl lip synching. Several Chinese women's gymnastics team members claiming to be sixteen years old but really looking more like twelve. The opening ceremony fireworks - CG graphics. Migrant workers and students sent home to clear up the streets of Beijing. Food stalls and other unsightly street businesses closed. The
renaming of Chinese dishes. (I can tell you that mapotofu on shiny white tablecloth probably doesn't taste as good as "Bean curd made by a pock-marked woman" from a street market vendor.) And of course, China's infamous media
censorship. Earlier this year they were laying plans to
remove internet censorship "from a list of specific IP addresses—certain Internet cafés, access jacks in hotel rooms and conference centers where foreigners are expected to work or stay during the Olympic Games."
Wikipedia? Of course it's available in China. Riiight.
Juxtaposed next to this is a tremendous sense of pride, that the beauty of China and its 1.5B citizens are being displayed on the world stage. That the world can indeed see this shiny sophisticated image they've painted. Maybe this will help people understand that Chinese people sometimes actually stop studying, take their glasses off, and do things outside the laboratory - like athletics. Maybe people will begin to understand how utterly ridiculous the concept of the "
Invisible Asian" is in light of the millions of young, bright, optimistic Chinese who are slowly taking over the world.
Along with pride is a subtle fear that the IOC and the world are allowing a
communist government to garner this much attention, power, and mainstream acceptance. I'm no foreign affairs specialist, but when China finally overtakes the U.S. as a superpower, what will we do if they decide to stop playing nice?
On a personal front, what will
I do if they stop playing nice? The identity and loyalty of thousands of Chinese American kids like me boils down to a simple question - who do I cheer for in these Olympic games? For the country which my grandparents
chose to leave? The country in which, if my grandparents made one different choice sixty years ago, I would be making my New Balance shoes instead of wearing them? Or the country in which I am 100% citizen, 100% fluent, 100% educated, but not 100% accepted?
And finally, heartache and frustration, for all of the real stories and real people in the shadows. For the people who still worship in secret. For the athletes who were plucked from their homes as young children in order to become part of China's Olympic machine. For the hundreds of thousands of earthquake victims who are living in tent cities while Beijing shows off its $40B construction projects. For the millions of people and artifacts displaced or destroyed as a result of the
three gorges dam. For my parents, who gave up "majority" status in order to pursue a better life here.
That "better life" is what enables me to write this very piece, so I guess in the end I should be more thankful than anything else.
