my cover letter

This morning, I tried writing a new draft of my cover letter:


Dear Whomever:

I’m not going to fool you and regurgitate why you should hire me while sounding eloquent and polished. The purpose of this letter is to have you take notice of my resume among thousands of resumes. So,


LOOK AT THIS RESUME.

PLEASE.

I BEG OF YOU.


I will pester you a few times this coming week, so if you want to avoid my annoying emails and voicemails, it is in your best interest to CALL ME. Anytime, I’m there for you, baby. I’m giving you my cell phone number, which means you’re as important to me as my mother. Call me.



Sincerely,

Me


So whaddya think?